The surgery was a big success. We had an ultrasound this morning. We were able to see plenty of amniotic fluid around him. His bladder was deflated and the the shunt they had placed appeared to be doing its job. The doctors are a little concerned with how it is placed. Apparently it is not hanging out of his abdomen/bladder as much as the doctors would like. The are overall pleased with everything though. We are now in a "holding pattern." We will have a sonogram every week until Graham is born. We hope that Graham is able to develop in the womb until February. We hope that the shunt is able to stay in place. We know that God is the ultimate healer. We wait patiently on Him. 

Good Time at the Hospital

I am pleased to report that the surgery went well this morning. Erin was such a trooper and God really sustained her during the process. Baby Graham received the shunt well, and the doctor said that he was very pleased by how the whole process went. We have an ultrasound in the morning and they are expecting to release Erin after a good report. We will most likely leave Houston on Saturday morning. We are just praying that God continues to keep the shunt in place and that it accomplishes the purpose that it was created for (I feel a sermon illustration in there somewhere….). We are super excited about what has happened up to this point, and are anxious to see his ultimate outcome. Graham is safe inside His hands. We are resting on His perfect love to get us through.

2 Thess 3: 16 – “Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

We are waiting patiently for Erin and Graham's surgery tomorrow. We have to report at 6:30am, and the procedure will happen at 8:30am. Hopefully, Erin will be out of the operating in about an hour. There is just so much we don't know. The doctors again this morning during the pre-op appointment were very clear to remind us of all the statistics and possibilities. The hard part is that not one of the doctors can accurately predict the outcome of Graham's life. They can't with any clarity point to an eventual outcome of the journey we are now on. This surgery is not going to fix Graham's problem. It is merely going to bypass his blockage. We find ourselves faced with the reality that God is ultimately in control. However much we want to influence or contribute, we are left powerless. We are driven to our knees in hope and petition.

A Little Humor Can Go A Long Way....

We will be leaving tomorrow evening to go to Houston for Erin and Graham's surgery which will be on Thursday. We are a little on the nervous side, but we are still confident that God will carry us through. He is the one we look to for ultimate healing, we know that He is able beyond measure. Personally, I have committed by my wife and my son into His hands, I pray He returns them safe to me. But, above all, I pray for His will to be done.

So, in light of the heaviness that is upon us and those that have been praying for us. I wanted to let y'all in on a conversation that happened between Erin and Parker. We were driving to get Parker a haircut while down in Houston. Erin is really good at sustaining conversation with Parker. But this one had some unforeseen humor. I couldn't resist laughing out loud.

Erin: Parker, Do you see those cows over there?
Parker: Yeah!
Erin: What are they doing?
Parker: You tell me. (Parker's new favorite phrase to just about any question we ask him....)
Erin: Are they eating?
Parker: Yeah!
Erin: What are they eating
Parker: Grass.
Erin: Does Parker eat grass?
Parker: (with a cheesy grin on his face) Nooo!
Erin: That's right. What does Parker eat?
Parker: Dinner.
Erin: That's right. What else does Parker eat?
Parker: Snack.

I had trouble paying attention to the road at this point. I love the simplicity that Parker sees the world through. It keeps me grounded. Tonight we had a really horrible bath time, that involved three swats to his bare bottom by his daddy. I hate the discipline part of parenting. But, Parker doesn't know that God wants him to honor his mommy and daddy. We have to explain that to him. He sees things so differently. Throughout this whole ordeal with baby Graham, he has been such a trooper. He knows that Graham and Mommy are not feeling well. But we pray every night that God will help them to feel better. He really believes that Jesus cares about them, and that Jesus is going to make them better. He doesn't know anything else. He truly has a childlike faith. He trusts so freely. I may be the one that God has entrusted to show Parker the lessons of life and the Bible. But I definitely have some lessons to learn from my son.

May God grant us the faith like Parker has. That we trust Him freely and cast all our cares at His Feet. God alone is able, He alone is worthy of our praise.

Immeasurably More

God is truly great! Able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. He is Mighty in power, Great in His faithfulness, Caring in His comfort. He is the mountain mover and the Great Healer. If I were to continue for my entire life, I would run out of time before I ran out of words to describe God's glory.

We heard the results of Graham's final urine test. All his ranges were in the "normal" category. This means that Graham's kidneys are at least functioning in some form or fashion. That means that the surgery we have been waiting for will be able to take place. That means that Graham will have a great chance at making it to a live birth fully developed.

Let me be clear, this is a huge hurdle that we have bounded. But the surgery is not designed to fix the blockage in Graham. It simply provides a way to bypass the need for Graham to use his bladder to put amniotic fluid around him. There is no chance that this surgery can heal him. God is the only option we have for complete healing for Graham. God may choose to do just that and Graham may be born with no ill effects of any of the things we have spoken about in the past week. Or Graham may still have several problems with his kidneys, bladder, lungs or any other combination we haven't even considered.

But no matter what the outcome we experience, we will praise Him who loves us the most. We will give glory to the God that knew Graham even before time began. We will honor the Father who grieves alongside us. God is our father, Jesus is our savior and foundation. We rejoice in this great victory he has lead us through and we are ready to see what He will continue to lead us through.

Psalm 91 says that we can claim God as "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." We can make "the LORD our dwelling place," and we have. We are trying to cling as close as possible to Him, to live directly in His will. We know that he protects His saints with His mighty hand and we don't want to be out of His reach.

The Options are Still in His Hands

I started this post and it quickly became a very depressing thing. I originally titled it "the options are now in our hands." Which is entirely untrue. This whole situation is still in God's mighty hands. We know that The situation is dire, that there hasn't been much improvement from Graham's urine. But we know that God is infinitely able. I shared this with a few friends on Friday and I want you all to hear it now it is a prayer from my heart.

What right do I have to question you O God. You are the one who put the world into motion. The one who gave me life. The one who knows my unborn child by name. I am not able to question your thoughts, your plans or your heart. But I am begging for you to move, begging you to break through and heal your child. I am begging you to do what is best. And we still praise you and serve you no matter what.

No matter what God is in control. We need Him to move in a gigantic way. We are begging Him to be the healer of our Graham. We trust him no matter what.

In all things, please pray that God's will be done in the life of my family, especially Graham.

More news, the results are in

We heard the results from Graham's bladder tap on Friday. They showed improvement but they are still not in the range that is best for the surgery that Graham needs. Unfortunately, we need to wait until our doctor evaluates the results fully and looks at Erin and Graham. We have a doctor's appointment Monday at 10am.

Once again we are pushed into a holding pattern. We have been praying up until this point that God would give us enough energy and strength to make it through to the next step. So far, he hasn't failed us yet. He has put so many variables into the mix, that it is impossible to make any plans either way. His Word is full of reminders that we should live in this moment. He gives us this day our daily bread.

We have had our plans, my family had a clear direction when we left Temple TX and came to seminary. But God has changed those all along the way. Looking at them now, even what is happening with Graham, it is plain to see that each change, each leading he gives us is an opportunity for His name to receive glory. Each one leaves myself or my family out of the drivers seat. Unable to control or in most cases even contribute to the the outcome, we have been happy spectators. God is not our co-pilot. He is the pilot, the plane, the wind, the gas, the parachutes, our everything.

Only able to take and see the next step...

There is so much to write, I am not even sure where to start. Monday, while I was waiting to have kidney surgery, Erin and I finally decided on names for our baby. We decided that for a girl we would have a Kenley Elizabeth. If we had a son, his name would be Graham Edward. We went to our big reveal ultrasound on Tuesday with great anticipation and excitement. Truth be told, we were hoping it would be a girl. But the ultrasound did not go well. I wanted to post a couple of great updates that Erin wrote and posted previously. They should catch you up to where we are today. Sorry they might be long....

From Wednesday:

Hi friends,

I wanted to send you all an update to let you know about our sweet little baby. Several of you probably know that we went to the doctor yesterday to have our "big" ultrasound. What at first looked like a cyst to the first sonographer turned into the baby's bladder when we went to see a specialist.

Our baby's bladder is largely swollen and full of urine. There is a blockage somewhere that is making it unable for the baby to urinate. This is not good, but also causes an even bigger problem - the baby has almost 0 amniotic fluid surrounding it. The problem with low amniotic fluid is: no chance for the kidneys to work, no chance for the lungs to develop, and a danger to the extremities.

These issues can be indicative of Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18 or Downs Syndrome. It can also show us that the baby's kidneys do not function. If any of these reasons are the cause for the blockage then there is nothing that we can do. We will simply have to wait for the baby to pass on their own.

However, our baby could be totally healthy besides this blocked bladder. This is what we are praying towards. I (along with Matt & Parker) are in Houston right now and have an appointment at 1:00 today with a fetal intervention specialist. I will have a procedure done today and on Friday to test the chromosomes and the kidney function of our baby.

If the tests come back normal and show that the baby and I are good candidates for surgery, then very quickly they will be performing a fetal intervention surgery to put a shunt in the baby's bladder. I must mention, though, that even if we make it to surgery, there is still a chance that the intervention is not enough or is too late.

Being completely honest, I am so scared and also so very sad. Of course, this is not the way we would have liked all of this to happen, but we also trust in the sovereign plan of God. We are crying out to Him for a miracle, but we know that He loves and knows our precious baby even more than we do. And He will heal this baby. Maybe in not the way our flesh so desires, but our baby will be healed regardless.

I am not sending you this email for you to feel sorry for us. We are fine. We will be fine. We have the Prince of Peace. But I am sending you this email begging that you would join us in prayer. Our very specific request right now is that the tests would come back showing that the baby and I are candidates for the surgery. Please join us.

One last thing - because the bladder is taking up so much of the abdomen, they were unable to tell the gender of the baby. We are still waiting to find out if it is sweet Kenley or sweet Graham in there. Some of the tests that they run today will be able to tell us. We are excited to find out so that we can pray even more specifically.

Again, thank you for reading through all of this. And most of all, thank you for your prayers.

Erin, Matt & Parker

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From Thursday:

Dear friends,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. They mean so much to us during this time and we have been going over and over them just feeling the love and prayers.

I wanted to send an update about how things went today. We first met with a genetic counselor who went over what we knew so far. She also went into a bit more detail on the chromosomal tests we are having done.

Afterwards, we had a very rough visit with our fetal intervention doctor. He was kind, but also very frank. He listed out all the best and worst case scenarios for the situation we find ourselves in. Unfortunately, there were not a whole lot of good possibilities. At best, we can expect this baby to survive to birth and then deal with renal failure/dialysis/transplant, incontinence, and bladder reconstruction. The baby could also have respiratory issues because of incomplete lung development along with clubbed arms & legs because of lack of amniotic fluid. This is best case.

The very worst case scenario is that the baby will not make it to a live birth. This can happen at any step in this process, as everything we do from here on out only offers about 50% chance of success. Matt and I made the easy choice to continue to take each step until we have done everything there is to do.

After the meeting, we went into a procedure room and had a CVS (placenta draw) and a bladder tap (on the baby) done. Both were painful for Erin, but completed within 30 minutes. It will take 24-48 hours to get the results of the tests back.

We go to meet with a pediatric urologist tomorrow at 4:00 to talk about what life will be like for our baby if it survives. Also, we go back on Friday to have another bladder tap.

Here are some specific prayer requests:

-Please pray that this baby is Graham. If it is Kenley (a girl), then we will not continue with surgery. It is a bigger issue with girls that typically cannot be corrected.
-Please pray that there is urine in the baby's bladder when we go back on Friday. This will show that the baby's kidneys are functioning.
-Please pray that the test results show no chromosomal abnormalities. Any sign of these keep us ineligible for surgery.
-Please pray that the urine testing comes back normal. (Too many big words to remember exactly what this test shows, but God knows)

Right now, we are focusing on the next step, which is the doctor on Thursday and the bladder tap on Friday. We are trying not to think of future possibilities one way or the other. We feel good. We feel your prayers. We had an awesome prayer time even during the procedure today. It was great to continue to tell God, "You know." Two simple words, but they have been all I feel like I can mutter right now.

Again, thank you so much for your prayers. We are eternally grateful.

Matt, Erin, Parker, and baby

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From today:

Friends,

Just wanted to give a very quick update about our doctor's appointment today. I will give more details later this evening, but we are so very happy to say that it is a boy and he has no chromosomal abnormalities! That is a HUGE praise! We have more steps to take on this road, but we are celebrating that we were able to get over this first hurdle.

Thanks so much for your prayers!

To God be the Glory!!

Matt, Erin, Parker & Graham

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So, roller coaster right? We are trying to stay focused on the fact that God has lead us through each next step. He only has given us enough for this moment. I have found so much peace in the fact that God is ultimately the one in control. We may think we have plans or intentions, but God is the authority on all those things.

I was reading in the Gospel of John earlier while were were waiting for our appointment today. In the sixth chapter after Jesus feeds the five thousand, he has this exchange:
27 Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal."
28 Then they said to him, "What must we do, to be doing the works of God?"
29 Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent."
(Joh 6:27-29 ESV)
Jesus lays out the most important thing, to believe in Him and the one He has sent. What ever good or bad that happens, any miracles you might experience, the truth is God is the one who deserves our true faith. Later after Jesus says that he is the Bread of Life, some of his followers start to grumble:
66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.
67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, "Do you want to go away as well?"
68 Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life,
69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."
(Joh 6:66-69 ESV)
Pay attention to Peter's response - "Where are we gonna go? You have what we need." Peter's faith and the faith of the Twelve had changed from simple faith to real trust. Peter is putting all his eggs in the Lord's basket. He knows nothing except for the truth that Jesus is all that he needs.
I am not trying to say that I have a faith like Peter, but I think I understand where he is coming from. I look at the situation my family finds itself in. My wife and my son Graham are in a delicate state, I have nowhere to go but to Jesus. He has all that I need. One step at a time, and I know he will lead me to where he wants me to be.