New Edition

So, I have been avoiding updating my blog since my move to Ft Worth, because I have had so many things to say. I plan to put them on the blog to update everyone to the random ramblings, but I get busy, tired or lazy (mostly lazy) and wimp out. So tonight I finally said, “Enough!” I have something the world needs to hear, but it really is just directed to one person.

This journey to seminary has been nothing like I pictured. I thought it was going to be a great time of renewal and reflection; a time of studious academia and such. And to a certain extent it has been those things. But I never imagined that this time would be so convicting. I feel like since January 14, it has been a non-stop barrage of the Lord showing me just who I really was/am. And unfortunately, being weighed - I have found myself wanting. It took about two days of seminary to really make that apparent. And so I start with this:

I am taking an evangelism class this semester. And it has been a time of conviction for me like no other. I can count on one hand the number of people in my life that I have led to Christ. I am not always what I preach others to be when it comes to sharing my faith. And for a while I thought that was okay; until I met Dr Mills. He is the professor for my Evangelism course. And the first class, he leads us to the Gospel of Mark, where Jesus calls the first disciples, he tells them “Follow me and I will make you Fishers of Men.” I have heard that before, of course. But Dr Mills stops there and draws our attention to the verse, and says “Do you see what Christ is doing here? He is saying that following him makes us Evangelists. He doesn’t tell us that we will become preachers or teachers or learners or even disciples. He says if we want to follow him, we will be Fishers of Men.” Dr Mills laid down the acid-test: Are we followers of Christ? Why aren’t we out there fishing for men?

Immediately, I thought of a time about ten years ago. As a senior in high school I was elected as Captain of our school’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes. It was a great time, and I really felt like God was doing something in our school. We started averaging 100-125 students every Monday night. We were really ministering to the kids. I remember one specific night was a fantastic time of worship and learning. I don’t remember the specifics of the night, but I know that we had an invitation time and a freshman came forward and I helped him pray to receive Christ as his Savior. I think that there were other decisions made that evening as well. It was a great night, and everyone was feeling good. After the night was over, my best friend Jesse, who was my Co-Captain of the FCA, was super-pumped. He started talking about not letting the night end. He was ready to go out into the harvest. He told me that we should go down to 6th Street in Austin (where the bars/clubs are) and we should share the Gospel. I was so stricken with fear; I did what any self-respecting Christian would do. I lashed out at him. I told Jesse that I wasn’t called to share the Gospel like that. God had called me to be a preacher, and that was what I was going to do. As I forcefully told these words to him, I saw Jesse’s whole countenance drop like a rock. I can picture his face even now, and I don’t think I will be able to forget it ever. Jesse left that night dejected, and I don’t know if he ever did go share his faith that night.

After that night we never saw numbers come to FCA in the Hundreds. By the end of the year, we were barely in the dozens. Now if you know me, there is another possible explanation that some will bring up. But that is for another conversation. I truly believe that because the leadership of the FCA (ie me) stopped caring about sharing the Gospel, and where the Gospel isn’t preached people aren’t interested in coming.

Dear friends, the Lord has extended his gift of salvation personally to you. I pray one of two things for you now: 1) I pray that if you haven’t accepted his forgiving grace, that you would run, no sprint, to his open arms and cast yourself at his feet in humble submission, repenting of your sins. 2) I pray that if you have already accepted his wonderful gift that you take it to the masses. I hope you cast your line often into the open harvest, because the Lord has called us to share his Gospel. And all other things need to be secondary to Evangelism. See the Great Commission for details.

And Dear Jesse, I am sorry old friend. I wish I could take those words back. I wish I would have gone with you that night. I wish I could have possessed an ounce of the faith and courage you had. Please forgive my foolish heart. I love you brother.