Dugan Propaganda

Delivery Day

2012-02-03T07:27:00.001-06:00

Today is a day that I knew was coming but almost felt like it would never come. We are going to the hospital this morning, my wife Erin has a C-section scheduled for 12:30pm at Baylor All Saints Downtown Fort Worth. We get to welcome our son Graham into our arms.

I want to thank each of you that have been so faithful with your prayers during all that has happened over the past few months. God has sustained both the body of my son and the hearts of my wife and me. I know that he will continue to be faithful, never leaving us for even one second.

I would lift a couple of prayer requests to you this morning:

1. First that the surgery would go smoothly for my wife and son, that there would be no complications from the actual procedure.

2. That Graham’s lungs would be able to breathe on their own once his umbilical cord is cut. Or at the very least he has some progress of lung development that would be increased through the aid of a breathing machine.

3. That Erin would be discharged as a patient as quickly as possible so that she can see Graham in the N-ICU. This especially becomes important if they transfer him to Cooks Children’s Hospital and Erin has to stay at Baylor.

4. That no matter what happens this morning, we would have the strength to give God the true worship he deserves.

We have great faith in our doctors and the people caring for our family. But they can’t save Graham. If healing comes, it will be from God alone.

To Him be the praise, Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

2011-10-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

The surgery was a big success. We had an ultrasound this morning. We were able to see plenty of amniotic fluid around him. His bladder was deflated and the the shunt they had placed appeared to be doing its job. The doctors are a little concerned with how it is placed. Apparently it is not hanging out of his abdomen/bladder as much as the doctors would like. The are overall pleased with everything though. We are now in a "holding pattern." We will have a sonogram every week until Graham is born. We hope that Graham is able to develop in the womb until February. We hope that the shunt is able to stay in place. We know that God is the ultimate healer. We wait patiently on Him.

Good Time at the Hospital

2011-10-20T21:37:00.003-05:00

I am pleased to report that the surgery went wellthis morning. Erin was such a trooper and God really sustained her during theprocess. Baby Graham received the shunt well, and the doctor said that he wasvery pleased by how the whole process went. We have an ultrasound in themorning and they are expecting to release Erin after a good report. We willmost likely leave Houston on Saturday morning. We are just praying that Godcontinues to keep the shunt in place and that it accomplishes the purpose thatit was created for (I feel a sermon illustration in there somewhere….). We aresuper excited about what has happened up to this point, and are anxious to seehis ultimate outcome. Graham is safe inside His hands. We are resting on Hisperfect love to get us through.

2 Thess 3: 16 – “Now the Lord of peace himselfgive you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

2011-10-19T22:44:00.001-05:00

We are waiting patiently for Erin and Graham's surgery tomorrow. We have to report at 6:30am, and the procedure will happen at 8:30am. Hopefully, Erin will be out of the operating in about an hour. There is just so much we don't know. The doctors again this morning during the pre-op appointment were very clear to remind us of all the statistics and possibilities. The hard part is that not one of the doctors can accurately predict the outcome of Graham's life. They can't with any clarity point to an eventual outcome of the journey we are now on. This surgery is not going to fix Graham's problem. It is merely going to bypass his blockage. We find ourselves faced with the reality that God is ultimately in control. However much we want to influence or contribute, we are left powerless. We are driven to our knees in hope and petition.

A Little Humor Can Go A Long Way....

2011-10-17T19:28:00.003-05:00

We will be leaving tomorrow evening to go to Houston for Erin and Graham's surgery which will be on Thursday. We are a little on the nervous side, but we are still confident that God will carry us through. He is the one we look to for ultimate healing, we know that He is able beyond measure. Personally, I have committed by my wife and my son into His hands, I pray He returns them safe to me. But, above all, I pray for His will to be done.

So, in light of the heaviness that is upon us and those that have been praying for us. I wanted to let y'all in on a conversation that happened between Erin and Parker. We were driving to get Parker a haircut while down in Houston. Erin is really good at sustaining conversation with Parker. But this one had some unforeseen humor. I couldn't resist laughing out loud.

Erin: Parker, Do you see those cows over there?
Parker: Yeah!
Erin: What are they doing?
Parker: You tell me. (Parker's new favorite phrase to just about any question we ask him....)
Erin: Are they eating?
Parker: Yeah!
Erin: What are they eating
Parker: Grass.
Erin: Does Parker eat grass?
Parker: (with a cheesy grin on his face) Nooo!
Erin: That's right. What does Parker eat?
Parker: Dinner.
Erin: That's right. What else does Parker eat?
Parker: Snack.

I had trouble paying attention to the road at this point. I love the simplicity that Parker sees the world through. It keeps me grounded. Tonight we had a really horrible bath time, that involved three swats to his bare bottom by his daddy. I hate the discipline part of parenting. But, Parker doesn't know that God wants him to honor his mommy and daddy. We have to explain that to him. He sees things so differently. Throughout this whole ordeal with baby Graham, he has been such a trooper. He knows that Graham and Mommy are not feeling well. But we pray every night that God will help them to feel better. He really believes that Jesus cares about them, and that Jesus is going to make them better. He doesn't know anything else. He truly has a childlike faith. He trusts so freely. I may be the one that God has entrusted to show Parker the lessons of life and the Bible. But I definitely have some lessons to learn from my son.

May God grant us the faith like Parker has. That we trust Him freely and cast all our cares at His Feet. God alone is able, He alone is worthy of our praise.

Immeasurably More

2011-10-11T21:59:00.002-05:00

God is truly great! Able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. He is Mighty in power, Great in His faithfulness, Caring in His comfort. He is the mountain mover and the Great Healer. If I were to continue for my entire life, I would run out of time before I ran out of words to describe God's glory.

We heard the results of Graham's final urine test. All his ranges were in the "normal" category. This means that Graham's kidneys are at least functioning in some form or fashion. That means that the surgery we have been waiting for will be able to take place. That means that Graham will have a great chance at making it to a live birth fully developed.

Let me be clear, this is a huge hurdle that we have bounded. But the surgery is not designed to fix the blockage in Graham. It simply provides a way to bypass the need for Graham to use his bladder to put amniotic fluid around him. There is no chance that this surgery can heal him. God is the only option we have for complete healing for Graham. God may choose to do just that and Graham may be born with no ill effects of any of the things we have spoken about in the past week. Or Graham may still have several problems with his kidneys, bladder, lungs or any other combination we haven't even considered.

But no matter what the outcome we experience, we will praise Him who loves us the most. We will give glory to the God that knew Graham even before time began. We will honor the Father who grieves alongside us. God is our father, Jesus is our savior and foundation. We rejoice in this great victory he has lead us through and we are ready to see what He will continue to lead us through.

Psalm 91 says that we can claim God as "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." We can make "the LORD our dwelling place," and we have. We are trying to cling as close as possible to Him, to live directly in His will. We know that he protects His saints with His mighty hand and we don't want to be out of His reach.

The Options are Still in His Hands

2011-10-11T09:06:00.003-05:00

I started this post and it quickly became a very depressing thing. I originally titled it "the options are now in our hands." Which is entirely untrue. This whole situation is still in God's mighty hands. We know that The situation is dire, that there hasn't been much improvement from Graham's urine. But we know that God is infinitely able. I shared this with a few friends on Friday and I want you all to hear it now it is a prayer from my heart.

What right do I have to question you O God. You are the one who put the world into motion. The one who gave me life. The one who knows my unborn child by name. I am not able to question your thoughts, your plans or your heart. But I am begging for you to move, begging you to break through and heal your child. I am begging you to do what is best. And we still praise you and serve you no matter what.

No matter what God is in control. We need Him to move in a gigantic way. We are begging Him to be the healer of our Graham. We trust him no matter what.

In all things, please pray that God's will be done in the life of my family, especially Graham.

More news, the results are in

2011-10-08T14:46:00.002-05:00

We heard the results from Graham's bladder tap on Friday. They showed improvement but they are still not in the range that is best for the surgery that Graham needs. Unfortunately, we need to wait until our doctor evaluates the results fully and looks at Erin and Graham. We have a doctor's appointment Monday at 10am.

Once again we are pushed into a holding pattern. We have been praying up until this point that God would give us enough energy and strength to make it through to the next step. So far, he hasn't failed us yet. He has put so many variables into the mix, that it is impossible to make any plans either way. His Word is full of reminders that we should live in this moment. He gives us this day our daily bread.

We have had our plans, my family had a clear direction when we left Temple TX and came to seminary. But God has changed those all along the way. Looking at them now, even what is happening with Graham, it is plain to see that each change, each leading he gives us is an opportunity for His name to receive glory. Each one leaves myself or my family out of the drivers seat. Unable to control or in most cases even contribute to the the outcome, we have been happy spectators. God is not our co-pilot. He is the pilot, the plane, the wind, the gas, the parachutes, our everything.

Only able to take and see the next step...

2011-10-07T18:01:00.003-05:00

There is so much to write, I am not even sure where to start. Monday, while I was waiting to have kidney surgery, Erin and I finally decided on names for our baby. We decided that for a girl we would have a Kenley Elizabeth. If we had a son, his name would be Graham Edward. We went to our big reveal ultrasound on Tuesday with great anticipation and excitement. Truth be told, we were hoping it would be a girl. But the ultrasound did not go well. I wanted to post a couple of great updates that Erin wrote and posted previously. They should catch you up to where we are today. Sorry they might be long....

From Wednesday:

Hi friends,

I wanted to send you all an update to let you know about our sweet little baby. Several of you probably know that we went to the doctor yesterday to have our "big" ultrasound. What at first looked like a cyst to the first sonographer turned into the baby's bladder when we went to see a specialist.

Our baby's bladder is largely swollen and full of urine. There is a blockage somewhere that is making it unable for the baby to urinate. This is not good, but also causes an even bigger problem - the baby has almost 0 amniotic fluid surrounding it. The problem with low amniotic fluid is: no chance for the kidneys to work, no chance for the lungs to develop, and a danger to the extremities.

These issues can be indicative of Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18 or Downs Syndrome. It can also show us that the baby's kidneys do not function. If any of these reasons are the cause for the blockage then there is nothing that we can do. We will simply have to wait for the baby to pass on their own.

However, our baby could be totally healthy besides this blocked bladder. This is what we are praying towards. I (along with Matt & Parker) are in Houston right now and have an appointment at 1:00 today with a fetal intervention specialist. I will have a procedure done today and on Friday to test the chromosomes and the kidney function of our baby.

If the tests come back normal and show that the baby and I are good candidates for surgery, then very quickly they will be performing a fetal intervention surgery to put a shunt in the baby's bladder. I must mention, though, that even if we make it to surgery, there is still a chance that the intervention is not enough or is too late.

Being completely honest, I am so scared and also so very sad. Of course, this is not the way we would have liked all of this to happen, but we also trust in the sovereign plan of God. We are crying out to Him for a miracle, but we know that He loves and knows our precious baby even more than we do. And He will heal this baby. Maybe in not the way our flesh so desires, but our baby will be healed regardless.

I am not sending you this email for you to feel sorry for us. We are fine. We will be fine. We have the Prince of Peace. But I am sending you this email begging that you would join us in prayer. Our very specific request right now is that the tests would come back showing that the baby and I are candidates for the surgery. Please join us.

One last thing - because the bladder is taking up so much of the abdomen, they were unable to tell the gender of the baby. We are still waiting to find out if it is sweet Kenley or sweet Graham in there. Some of the tests that they run today will be able to tell us. We are excited to find out so that we can pray even more specifically.

Again, thank you for reading through all of this. And most of all, thank you for your prayers.

Erin, Matt & Parker

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From Thursday:

Dear friends,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. They mean so much to us during this time and we have been going over and over them just feeling the love and prayers.

I wanted to send an update about how things went today. We first met with a genetic counselor who went over what we knew so far. She also went into a bit more detail on the chromosomal tests we are having done.

Afterwards, we had a very rough visit with our fetal intervention doctor. He was kind, but also very frank. He listed out all the best and worst case scenarios for the situation we find ourselves in. Unfortunately, there were not a whole lot of good possibilities. At best, we can expect this baby to survive to birth and then deal with renal failure/dialysis/transplant, incontinence, and bladder reconstruction. The baby could also have respiratory issues because of incomplete lung development along with clubbed arms & legs because of lack of amniotic fluid. This is best case.

The very worst case scenario is that the baby will not make it to a live birth. This can happen at any step in this process, as everything we do from here on out only offers about 50% chance of success. Matt and I made the easy choice to continue to take each step until we have done everything there is to do.

After the meeting, we went into a procedure room and had a CVS (placenta draw) and a bladder tap (on the baby) done. Both were painful for Erin, but completed within 30 minutes. It will take 24-48 hours to get the results of the tests back.

We go to meet with a pediatric urologist tomorrow at 4:00 to talk about what life will be like for our baby if it survives. Also, we go back on Friday to have another bladder tap.

Here are some specific prayer requests:

-Please pray that this baby is Graham. If it is Kenley (a girl), then we will not continue with surgery. It is a bigger issue with girls that typically cannot be corrected.
-Please pray that there is urine in the baby's bladder when we go back on Friday. This will show that the baby's kidneys are functioning.
-Please pray that the test results show no chromosomal abnormalities. Any sign of these keep us ineligible for surgery.
-Please pray that the urine testing comes back normal. (Too many big words to remember exactly what this test shows, but God knows)

Right now, we are focusing on the next step, which is the doctor on Thursday and the bladder tap on Friday. We are trying not to think of future possibilities one way or the other. We feel good. We feel your prayers. We had an awesome prayer time even during the procedure today. It was great to continue to tell God, "You know." Two simple words, but they have been all I feel like I can mutter right now.

Again, thank you so much for your prayers. We are eternally grateful.

Matt, Erin, Parker, and baby

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From today:

Friends,

Just wanted to give a very quick update about our doctor's appointment today. I will give more details later this evening, but we are so very happy to say that it is a boy and he has no chromosomal abnormalities! That is a HUGE praise! We have more steps to take on this road, but we are celebrating that we were able to get over this first hurdle.

Thanks so much for your prayers!

To God be the Glory!!

Matt, Erin, Parker & Graham

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So, roller coaster right? We are trying to stay focused on the fact that God has lead us through each next step. He only has given us enough for this moment. I have found so much peace in the fact that God is ultimately the one in control. We may think we have plans or intentions, but God is the authority on all those things.

I was reading in the Gospel of John earlier while were were waiting for our appointment today. In the sixth chapter after Jesus feeds the five thousand, he has this exchange:
27 Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal."
28 Then they said to him, "What must we do, to be doing the works of God?"
29 Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent."
(Joh 6:27-29 ESV)
Jesus lays out the most important thing, to believe in Him and the one He has sent. What ever good or bad that happens, any miracles you might experience, the truth is God is the one who deserves our true faith. Later after Jesus says that he is the Bread of Life, some of his followers start to grumble:
66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.
67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, "Do you want to go away as well?"
68 Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life,
69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."
(Joh 6:66-69 ESV)
Pay attention to Peter's response - "Where are we gonna go? You have what we need." Peter's faith and the faith of the Twelve had changed from simple faith to real trust. Peter is putting all his eggs in the Lord's basket. He knows nothing except for the truth that Jesus is all that he needs.
I am not trying to say that I have a faith like Peter, but I think I understand where he is coming from. I look at the situation my family finds itself in. My wife and my son Graham are in a delicate state, I have nowhere to go but to Jesus. He has all that I need. One step at a time, and I know he will lead me to where he wants me to be.

one thing to accomplish...

2010-07-02T14:57:00.002-05:00

In my Biblical Greek class this past week we were given a discussion question to answer on a message board. The question was "If you could accomplish only one thing in life, what would it be?" I fought the urge to write my typical answer for a question as loaded as this: "To one day have a room big enough to house a regulation size billiards table." Instead I thought, "What would Casey Williams say?" and I tried to be a spiritual as possible. I came up with the following and thought you might enjoy......

What is the correct answer to a life's purpose? Solomon chased after the sun, the wind, the fame, the fortune and the women. It all left him broken and sad before the mighty God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He concludes his discourse in the book we call Ecclesiastes, "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Then someone wise, maybe Solomon maybe not, comments in the closing verses of the same book with this beautiful thought. He recognizes that there is no end to making many books and much study wearies the body. But
"Now all has been heard;
Here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
For this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
Including every hidden thing,
Whether it is good or evil."

May God continue to reveal his plan for my life all the days of my life. May I always know what it is to abide in Christ and have Him abide in me. Let me not look to far in the future, but see only the next steps my feet traverse. If I can accomplish anything, let it be for the glory of the one true God.
Dear Father, keep me from sin. Keep me close to you all my days. Let my own needs and desires fade behind the call of your kingdom. Help me to share your truth and grace to those not in relationship with you. Restore to me the joy of your salvation all the days of my life. Amen.

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Sometimes I look at the things God is teaching me, and I realize I am but a simple tool in his hands. He is so much bigger than I ever was. Less of me, More of Him is what I need every day.

Marriag Under Fire

2010-04-06T07:39:00.003-05:00

During my Ethics: The Christian Home class yesterday we watched a series of videos from ABC's Nightline FaceOff program they ran last year. We watched the one that was titled "Born to Cheat?" I encourage you to do a few things for me.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/

First, watch them. It might take about an hour or so. But they are such a great look into the state of marriage in this day and age. Culturally we are bankrupting marriage. This is where we are heading. Forget Gay marriage and other obvious attacks on marriage. Listen to the subtle problems spoken about here, even from Ed Young Jr.
Second, pray for the state of this culture. That people would recognize that God is the Author and perfector of Marriage. That they would return to the wives and husbands of their youths. That they would put the Cross of Christ right in the middle of their marriages, flee from their sinful selfs, and focusing on affecting the generations to come with the kingdom of heaven.
Lastly, love your spouse. Take them into your arms and approach the throne of Grace. Ask Jesus to be the centerpiece of your marriage. Hold fast to them always, and honor the vows you made to them and to God.
Dear reader, take time to open your Bibles to Ephesians 5:22-33, and remember that God loves us purely.

Easter Edition

2010-04-04T23:03:00.002-05:00

We had a community wide Easter-Egg hunt at my church this weekend. It was a big success, we had around 35 kids and their families come and participate. We had plenty of eggs to find, and we used "Resurrection Eggs" as a tool for sharing the gospel. I got to share, with the help of my Pastor Chad, the Easter story and the gospel with everyone - especially the children. It was a humbling experience talking about the death of Christ to children. I spoke of the beatings he took, the crown of thorns and the spear piercing his side. I was reminded with the gruesomeness of the cross. Dear Reader, Jesus paid a terrible price for me and you.

During the presentation, I was humbled with the idea that it should have been me on that tree. My sin had pierced the side of my Savior and I was reaping the benefit of His grace. We are blessed with a chance to receive that grace and let it be a subsitute for the sin in our life.

The hard part of that grace is that it is given as a choice. We can choose to accept or ignore the gift. There are so many who have delayed or even denied acceptance. God is slow in His judgement to give adequate time that none should perish, but all should have everlasting life. Please pray for those families that were there this Saturday, that they would begin to ask questions and seek the face of God. Pray also for those that you know who are on the odd side of God's grace. May their hearts be stirred to change their sinful fate.

1 Corinithans 15:1 Now I want to make clear for you, brothers and sisters, the gospel that I preached to you, that you received and on which you stand, 15:2 and by which you are being saved, if you hold firmly to the message I preached to you – unless you believed in vain. 15:3 For I passed on to you as of first importance what I also received – that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures, 15:4 and that he was buried, and that he was raised on the third day according to the scriptures,

Newer Edition

2010-03-30T22:28:00.002-05:00

In behest of my good friend Sarah, I have another piece that I want to speak. For those who missed the earlier post, or have forgotten since... I have started Seminary this past January. It has been a roller coaster for me and the family. Leaving your comfortable bubble is never easy, but when you are leaving it for a country that you have never seen or don't know how to get to it can be downright hairy. Now don't get me wrong. I am not trying to say that I am just like Abraham, I just want to point out that my journey has been a bigger step of faith than I had originally expected.

We tested God with the decision to come to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary (SWBTS). In every step we took we asked God to show us the way or close the door. And so far he has shown us the next step and ushered us to it with a mighty power. From our house selling in a weekend to finding enough cash to pay the rent on time. From meeting our new church family, and the youth minister position that followed, to meeting a great set of friends in our downstairs neighbors. God has been faithful in the little things and in the big things. We have been so blessed.

I spent some time speaking with folks about the journey to seminary before we got here and even now I am still interested. I am interested in knowing what their journey was like. What was God's provision in you coming to this place? How did he meet your needs during this time? And story after story has impressed me so much about the grace and sovereignty of God. To see specific examples of meeting needs and providing for those being submissive to his calling. Even in my own story, I see how 5 years at Ferguson lead to me getting a job with the plumbing department at the seminary. And how that job lead me to my pastor Chad Forrester. And meeting him gave me the opportunity to serve as youth minister at Central Baptist-Weatherford. When we applied for campus housing our first choice was Garret Manor. We were assigned an apartment in that complex about a month before we were to move up. A week after our assignment came, we got a call about a change in plans. Evidently there was some damage to another couples current apartment, and they would need to move into the one we had been assigned. But that we were probably going to still be in Garret Manor. In fact, we were in the same complex, but we got an apartment with a better location, and our downstairs neighbors have been our closest friends while here at seminary. Not only that, but Nick - our neighbor - helped get Erin a job at the seminary in the department he works in. Now, she will have full time hours and my school will be paid for up to 30 hours a year. God is awesome.

I think about the provision he gives when he gives it. In some ways we just had to sit back and receive it, even undeservedly in some cases. But at other times we had to be active in pursuing his will and help for certain needs to be filled. It is not that God has needed our help, but that he requires our active participation. He wants us to engage in kingdom work.

Dear Reader, God promises in scriptures that the lilies of the field are clothed in splendor, and the sparrow is well fed -- we shouldn't worry about the provisions to come. But I don't think that gives us license to lazily wait for a harvest of wealth. I think we see a great picture of what it is to live according to God's will in the lily and the sparrow. The lily doesn't have to do much to be "clothed in splendor." But it like any vegetation has a specific function. They filter the air and produce oxygen. And on top of that, pollen from flowers is used to germinate other flowers. While the splendor of a lily happens naturally, it still preforms specific functions. The sparrow will always have enough to eat, never going hungry. But food just doesn't come right up to it. A sparrow has to go out and find that food, whether gathering seeds or hunting for the "early worm," a sparrow leads a dynamic life.

Remember that God will provide for every aspect of our lives. But that we must be active participants in his life, striving for his kingdom work.

New Edition

2010-03-25T23:02:00.002-05:00

So, I have been avoiding updating my blog since my move to Ft Worth, because I have had so many things to say. I plan to put them on the blog to update everyone to the random ramblings, but I get busy, tired or lazy (mostly lazy) and wimp out. So tonight I finally said, “Enough!” I have something the world needs to hear, but it really is just directed to one person.

This journey to seminary has been nothing like I pictured. I thought it was going to be a great time of renewal and reflection; a time of studious academia and such. And to a certain extent it has been those things. But I never imagined that this time would be so convicting. I feel like since January 14, it has been a non-stop barrage of the Lord showing me just who I really was/am. And unfortunately, being weighed - I have found myself wanting. It took about two days of seminary to really make that apparent. And so I start with this:

I am taking an evangelism class this semester. And it has been a time of conviction for me like no other. I can count on one hand the number of people in my life that I have led to Christ. I am not always what I preach others to be when it comes to sharing my faith. And for a while I thought that was okay; until I met Dr Mills. He is the professor for my Evangelism course. And the first class, he leads us to the Gospel of Mark, where Jesus calls the first disciples, he tells them “Follow me and I will make you Fishers of Men.” I have heard that before, of course. But Dr Mills stops there and draws our attention to the verse, and says “Do you see what Christ is doing here? He is saying that following him makes us Evangelists. He doesn’t tell us that we will become preachers or teachers or learners or even disciples. He says if we want to follow him, we will be Fishers of Men.” Dr Mills laid down the acid-test: Are we followers of Christ? Why aren’t we out there fishing for men?

Immediately, I thought of a time about ten years ago. As a senior in high school I was elected as Captain of our school’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes. It was a great time, and I really felt like God was doing something in our school. We started averaging 100-125 students every Monday night. We were really ministering to the kids. I remember one specific night was a fantastic time of worship and learning. I don’t remember the specifics of the night, but I know that we had an invitation time and a freshman came forward and I helped him pray to receive Christ as his Savior. I think that there were other decisions made that evening as well. It was a great night, and everyone was feeling good. After the night was over, my best friend Jesse, who was my Co-Captain of the FCA, was super-pumped. He started talking about not letting the night end. He was ready to go out into the harvest. He told me that we should go down to 6th Street in Austin (where the bars/clubs are) and we should share the Gospel. I was so stricken with fear; I did what any self-respecting Christian would do. I lashed out at him. I told Jesse that I wasn’t called to share the Gospel like that. God had called me to be a preacher, and that was what I was going to do. As I forcefully told these words to him, I saw Jesse’s whole countenance drop like a rock. I can picture his face even now, and I don’t think I will be able to forget it ever. Jesse left that night dejected, and I don’t know if he ever did go share his faith that night.

After that night we never saw numbers come to FCA in the Hundreds. By the end of the year, we were barely in the dozens. Now if you know me, there is another possible explanation that some will bring up. But that is for another conversation. I truly believe that because the leadership of the FCA (ie me) stopped caring about sharing the Gospel, and where the Gospel isn’t preached people aren’t interested in coming.

Dear friends, the Lord has extended his gift of salvation personally to you. I pray one of two things for you now: 1) I pray that if you haven’t accepted his forgiving grace, that you would run, no sprint, to his open arms and cast yourself at his feet in humble submission, repenting of your sins. 2) I pray that if you have already accepted his wonderful gift that you take it to the masses. I hope you cast your line often into the open harvest, because the Lord has called us to share his Gospel. And all other things need to be secondary to Evangelism. See the Great Commission for details.

And Dear Jesse, I am sorry old friend. I wish I could take those words back. I wish I would have gone with you that night. I wish I could have possessed an ounce of the faith and courage you had. Please forgive my foolish heart. I love you brother.

Vol 2

2009-04-25T09:28:00.002-05:00

Do you know what it is like to be sick? The achy, sneezy, coughy, yucky feeliings seizing your body. It is never a good time being sick. You pump your body full of medical remedies in hope that the NyQuil will carry you through to feeling better. The problem is the need of rest. Rest is usually the real cure for most "common" illnesses. You can only run so far before your body crashes and forces you to sleep. That kind of sleep for me is always so fast. I am sick and awake one moment, and the next I am waking up with sleep boogers in my eyes and snot crusted around my nostrils. Gross, I know. But it is always worth it, once you get the crusties out.

The best part of the whole being sick process is the hot shower. I don't know if anyone out there enjoys the post-illness hot shower like me. But there is such a beautiful feeling that comes over my body when that hot water starts melting away the aches and pains. It is such a beautiful thing. The hotter the water the better. It makes it seem as if the illness is rising off of you with the steam. I find that you alwasy feel better if you choose a fresh towel from the closet. I always like the fresh smell of a towel of right out of the linen closet.

Being sick is terrible. But for me, the post-illness hot shower is almost worth it.

Vol, Issue 5

2009-03-01T21:16:00.002-06:00

So I Get to go back to work on the morrow. Honestly, I am really not looking forward to it. I would be more excited if an unknown distant relative told me they were going to give me a trillion dollars because I was so good looking. But it could be fun to sell toilets again. I will just try to keep my chin up and hopefully the minutes will fly by quickly.

The problem is that of course I would rather spend the day with my new son Parker. It has been nice this past week just enjoying the quiet times with him. I usually am with him alone first thing in the morning. Erin usually is up more in the nighttime and enjoys sleeping in more than I. It has been a huge change for us. Erin and I were talking just the other day about how "grown-up" we are. We have a house, a dog, college degrees, cars, a church home, and now a baby. When we first started this journey together, we knew all these things were on our horizon. Yet, now that they are finally here, it is very humbling to see all that God has really blessed us with.

Parker is only two weeks old, but even in the short time we have grown so much as a family. It is crazy to think of the changes we have seen and then will see in the future. I am so pumped for them to come.

Special Birthday Edition

2009-02-11T15:56:00.001-06:00

Okay, So I am 27 today, and I must admit that I feel old. There was a time in this life that I wasn't convinced that I would make it past 22. now I am looking back on the past five years and realize that they are the best of my life. It was almost five years ago that Erin and I got married. We had such a quick love story, I feel sometime that we were married after the first month. I would have it any other way. Erin is the greatest woman i could ask for.

Now we are about to have a baby, I wish he was already here. This has been the worst thing to wait for ever. It is so tough to be patient. Yet I know that we will receive the greatest reward ever.

The problem is that I am the worst person to give a gift to. I really do like getting gifts.
But I never show good emotions or reactions to them. The picture from my surprise 25th party says it all. The look is pure dumbfoundness. It really is sad. Erin last night gave me several great gifts. Typical me, I just nonchalantly said "great" "thanks." I know it makes me seem really ungrateful. I don't want it to seem that way. I really am grateful for all the gifts I get. I am working on showing it better.

Maybe some of you out there could give me a gift, and I could practice.....

Vol 1, Issue 4

2009-02-07T17:12:00.005-06:00

My wife and I are competing with our friends Casey and Sarah in our own version of "Biggest Loser." We started in January and are planning to weigh ourselves every month. We have put a little money on this competition. Today was our first "weigh-in" and I am happy to report that Erin and I came out on top. (Of course Erin isn't technically participating while still pregnant and won't get started until next month) All the same, it is fun to know that the sacrifice I have put in paid off in a real way.

Erin has been getting on to me about not working out at all. But I knew that it would be hard for me to try to change my diet and work in a exercise routine at the same time. I feel like I am getting my handle on the diet thing. For instance, last night Erin had a craving for an M&M blizzard from Dairy Queen. I was in the drive-thru placing the order, and I was able not to order my customary Peanut Buster Parfait. Even though the combination of Soft serve, salted peanuts and Hot fudge is obviously a gift personally from the almighty Creator Himself.

Anywho, we will continue trying to lose weight and make ourselves healthier. Hopefully we can take home a boatload cash from our friends.

After all what is a little profit among those that you love......

Vol 1, Issue 3

2009-02-05T21:30:00.003-06:00

So young Parker Dugan is due to come tomorrow. Unfortunately, the doctor says that we shouldn't hold our breath. He actually said our chances of being on time were "crummy." Is that a medical term? When do we get the point that our chances are "sorta good"?

So anywho, Erin and I are patiently waiting for the full moon on Monday and planning many walks around the block to see if we can help him along. I might try to slip some Castor oil into Erin's next Diet Dr Pepper.

With Parker's arrival so close, I am struck by the gravity of it all. I knew that the day would come sooner than I thought. But now that we are so close, I can hardly wait. I know that we have all the preparations available made, but I wonder how Ready we really are. I am afraid of letting him down. Lately I have been thinking about the kind of father I grew up with. I absolutely love my dad. He was exactly what I needed to become the man that I am today. It wasn't always good times and happy memories, but it was perfect for me.

I suppose what i really want is for my son to one day look back and realize that I tried to give him everything he needed. I hope that as a man, he is grateful for his childhood.

Vol 1, Issue 2

2008-12-26T22:40:00.002-06:00

Christmas has such a different feel for me now that I am twenty six. I know that the real reason for the season is the birth of our savior. Jesus Christ came to bring completion to a work that was started even before there was a beginning. I am eternally grateful for the sacrifice that God made when Jesus was born, only to be out done by the sacrifice Jesus made when he died. The truth is that with out the birth of our savior, there is no reason for Santa’s existence.

I like to think of Christmas as two separate holidays. One is the glorious celebration of the Messiah’s birth. And the other is a family holiday of glad tidings and joy, albeit overly commercialized, that focuses on giving gifts of love and goodwill to all men regardless of station or rank.

When thinking about the second holiday that I have enjoyed since I got my Tonka dump truck at age 5, I am saddened to think of the difference in a five-year-old Christmas and a twenty-six-year-old Christmas. I was still able to get the gift that I wanted. But it wasn’t the same because the 12-gauge shotgun that I got was something that I could have gotten by myself if I had wanted. At five years old I was unable to go and get my coveted Tonka truck on my own. There was so much anticipation and surprise with the Tonka truck. But with the shotgun, I had already resigned myself to: “If I don’t get the shotgun, I would just save enough money and then buy it at a later date.”

I suppose this is a great reflection of the real Christmas holiday. The gift of Jesus Christ is so wonderful, so profound that it has to be given and not earned. We can never earn or possess on our own the salvation of Jesus Christ. He has to be given. He has to be accepted with the knowledge there is nothing we can do or say that will influence the love that God gives us. He loves us fully as adopted and chosen children.

The hope is that everyone clings to and accepts that gift of salvation with the same fervor and intensity that a five-year-old boy embraces his first bright yellow Tonka truck.

Vol 1, Issue 1

2008-12-16T22:32:00.002-06:00

The question becomes, "what will be your legacy for the world?" I have always seen myself as the thoughtful and serious type. The truth is that I sit here in the reality that legacy is something undefined until people see it in retrospect. With a super-sexy wife and and a baby on the way, I find myself thinking long and hard about my legacy.

My hope is that my legacy hasn't been completed. You see, up to this point, I haven't had the best of histories for introspection. There are things that I would be happy to forget if not erase. But the best part is the unfinished page. I suppose right know, even as I contemplate young Parker floating around in Erin's belly, I am comforted by the unfinished business. To know that my life has so much left to go through. What an encouraging thought, Life is a plethora of opportunity.

People always say that today is the first day of the rest of your life. I always think it is a dumb saying. Of course the rest of each person's life starts over each day. The real saying should be "What are you going to do with the rest of your life?"

So for me, life begins new today. I see my future, my legacy with a great deal of optimism. Not just because my wife is hot, or because my son is just weeks from being here. But because a lifetime can be started new with each day. My choices will have consequences of course, but I get a chance to put behind me the things that weigh me down or even the mistakes I make.

I hope that the choices I make today can have the impact that colors in my legacy with hope, grace and love.